Friday, January 9, 2015

A life with out pictures and my New Year's Resolution

I have spent a lifetime avoiding being in the picture ... Anytime the camera's come out I'd go into hiding.  There are very few pictures of me at Christmas, there are hardly any pictures of me at any of the family functions ... none with my daughters.  Really I was part of their lives ... honest I was there!

In addition to not showing up in the family photos, I avoided being out and seen.  You know I have never been to any of the Class Reunions.  This year will be our 30th.  Yikes. 

I stay home ... I always decline when invited to the movies,  concerts or sporting events. 

Professionally I have held myself back because I would not go to seminars, events, conventions.  And when I could not get out of an event I sat in the back and hid.  God don't ask me to mingle!

I hated flying!!!  Not because of flying but fitting in the seat.  Biggest fear is being mid-travel and being told I need to buy another seat.  I missed out on a lot of family reunions and family events ... would always make up an excuse and would send my daughters and hubby ...  you know I just couldn't get out of work for that long someone has to hold down the fort! HA ... LIES!  I missed more than I can ever tell you ... people who are no longer here ... that I will never get the chance to visit with or love.

I married the most gregarious, friendliest man on earth ... he can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere ... the grocery store, the hardware store, doctor's office ... in line for the potty ...anywhere! Stand still for a moment and he will talk to you and tell you a joke.  And it killed me ... I hated for him to draw attention to us.  I would hide behind him and act like I wasn't with him, then when we would get home I would mourn that I didn't take the opportunity to join in. 

I have not made a real new friend in 25 years.  You can't make friends if you are hiding... they aren't going to come knock on your door and say "I wanna come in and get to know you" well a salesman would but ... I don't have enough money to buy a friend that way.

My weight has interfered in almost every aspect of my life.  The worse part it has affected everyone around me too!

So my New Years Resolution this year is to get front and Center in Every Picture no matter what my hair looks like or what I'm wearing!And to start being a part of my family's memories and to stop hiding in the background.

Hi My Name is Retha ... what's yours?


  1. Awww Retha.... :(

    I was TOTALLY the same way with photos. I made sure I always took them, so I didn't have to BE in them, and if I was, I always sucked it in if I had to be in front....but very very few family photos with me in it. What a loss for me and my kids, you know?

    I didn't have the stay-at-home fears that you did, thank God. I got out.

    I'm so glad you are doing better, and have such great, positive goals for 2015. I can't wait to share this new life with you. I'm really really proud of you. :)

  2. Thank you Gwen.. that means a lot coming from you!!! And yes I know what you mean ... it isn't just my loss but my daughters and grandkids ...

  3. Retha, I can relate so well. Here's where I get personal: one of my bigest regrets is that in my attempt to hide from the camera for so many years I only have ONE picture with my dad ( as an adult) before he passed.It is my treasure and I wish I had not been so dumb about pictures. Glad you are changing this for yourself . I have been trying to so the same myself.

    1. Oh ... Alati ... Oh ... Thank you for sharing that with me ... that breaks my heart ... But you know I don't know of a single picture as an adult with my Dad either ... Oh Alati ... I'm going to remedy that this weekend!!!! Hugs!!

    2. P.s: I had to read your post to my friend and now you owe us a Kleenex box! ;) ended up having a heart to heart about many life things.

    3. I promise is we ever meet in person ... I will buy you that box of Kleenex!!! Need to pick some up anyway LOL by the way ... I have a date with my dad this afternoon ... and I have my camera all charged up!!!

  4. It amazes me the changes you have made in just one year ... and you are so fortunate that your dad is still around for you to take lots and lots of pictures of you and him.