still true

I found this while cleaning out some files today ... and it is still as true today as it was 2 years ago!  Thought I would share it with you

Today I am thankful

I am thankful for the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because it means he is home with me.

I am thankful for the daughter that calls when she is bored or mad or needs to borrow something , because it means she still needs her mama.

I am thankful for the phone ringing in the best part of the movie because that means my mom and dad are still with me.

I am grateful for the chat box on my phone and computer because that means I can stay connected with my cousin who lives so far away.

I am thankful for the mess and toys to clean up when the grandson leaves, because that means I got to spend time with him.

I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means I am employed.

I am thankful for the bed that needs to be made because it means I have a warm safe place to sleep.

I am thankful for the clothes that fit a little too snug because that means I have enough to eat.

I am thankful for the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, bathrooms that need scrubbing and the carpet that needs vacuuming because that means I have a home

I am thankful for all the complaining I hear about the government because that means we have freedoms

I am thankful for the parking spot I found at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation

I am thankful for the huge heating bill because that means I am warm

I am thankful for the never ending piles of laundry that needs to be washed, folded and put away because it means I have clothes to wear.

I am thankful the alarm that goes off too early in the morning hour because it means I have a job.

I am thankful that I can read this every day because that means I am alive!

Medical Condition

Medical Condition: OBESITY

Yep that is what I see every time I log on to my medical account. That was added to my chart 9 years ago.  

Every time I saw that one word ... I felt like such a failure.  Ashamed.  Fat!  Why couldn't I control my eating?  Why couldn't I be healthy and slim.  I'm a good person ... I'm smart ... I'm not lazy ... I ran two businesses.  I managed over 90 employees before the housing crash.  But always always felt like a failure ... a stupid lazy cow.  FAT!

I spent a lot of time and energy researching and trying one diet after another always kicking myself because I couldn't stick with it ... I couldn't commit ... I couldn't do it ... but I will say I kept trying ...  always looking and trying something new ... the list was endless ...  and all of it contradictory to what my doctor kept recommending.  My doctor ALWAYS pointed back to the FDA guidelines ...  I really did try ... I honestly tried ... I measured and weighed ... I bought low fat sugar free versions of everything!  I lived on grapefruit and oatmeal one month ... I hate grapefruit.

Then I read a book "The Calorie Myth"   I wasn't the failure ... THE GUIDELINES WERE WRONG ... What???? How is this possible???? My Doctor always pushed the guidelines ... I trusted my doctor!  Why would I assume that the FDA or the AHA would give out false information? OMG I'm not a failure ... I'm just a sucker!  I was buying a boat load of crap!  

I started reading labels ... and I decided I was only going to eat food that had  identifiable ingredients like bacon, steak, broccoli and cabbage not thiamin mononitrate & sodium tripolyphosphate  ... butter that has cream and salt instead of margarine made with vegetable oil blends and Vegetable mono and Diglycerides.  What the hell is a  Vegetable mono and Diglycerides anyway and why was I eating it? 

I didn't change HOW I ate just WHAT I ate ... Seriously  who would have ever thought that I could still be a volume eater and loose 70 pounds. Certainly not my doctor! Not my parents ... not my friends ... and definitely not me! 

I haven't changed my relationship with food ... I still love food ... I still over indulge in food ...I still fantasize over food ... I still dream about food ... I still love food ...  But I finally learned what food really is!!!

Now this doesn't mean that I will ever give up the equal in my coffee :)

NSV 3.7

Spent the day with my parents and grandsons!  Had the best best day!  

The best part of this weight loss journey???? 

I'm not missing out on days like this!  

I was able to chase and be chased by those two precious little boys by the hour.  

We played red light - green light... Simon "Says" and  Hop Scotch! 

 (we did discover this granny doesn't hop good). 

We also played climb Granny!

And not once did I have to sit out or disappoint those little guys!

When I look back and think of all the events and moments like this that I missed with my daughters I could cry.  Never ever again ... I may have been the mom in the back ... but his Granny is going to be front and Center!

Just another Non Scale Victory!  

We can all sit at the same table

Just spent three awesome days away from home ... hubby and I went to the annual Carpet Convention ... Now doesn't that just sound ubber exciting?  Well it was in Reno after all! 

I was so worried about staying on program while we were there ... but breakfast was easy.  Each morning they  set up a beautiful buffet and I will admit to filling my plate with more bacon than I normally would eat ... and with what was equivalent to one scrambled egg with cheese.  And don't forget the real butter and cream for my coffee!  The butter in my coffee got quite a few startled looks and it started quite a few conversations with our table mates. 

Lunch was an entirely different affair ... we were served a small dinner salad ... maybe a cup of lettuce 1 cherry tomato 1 cucumber slice and about 50 croutons covered in a creamy dressing that was unidentified ... so we skipped the salad and ignored the golden rolls!  Then the entree arrived!  Plopped right down in front of me.   It was a masterpiece!!!  A plate of some kind of curly noodles with chicken leg /thigh smothered in some kind of  gravy.  I have to say the presentation was gorgeous... the way they had it plated was stunning ... but it was the most unappetizing looking thing I seen.  Hubby and I looked at each other and smiled ... and said good by to our  table mates and we took a walk. 

Each night we opted to skip the festivities ... knowing what a feast they have always provided and how freely the drinks have always been in the past. SO eating was actually spot on ... considering that we ate food we did not prepare ourselves .

I was asked how I can stand to go through the buffet and not grab some of the waffles, or pastries ... let me tell you they were beautiful!  But they were in no way desirable!  The lady that I was talking to was actually apologizing for what was on her plate ... she was saying how she knows how hard it is to resist when you are sitting right next to it.  I had to think about it ... but OMG I didn't want any of that.  I could admire how pretty the display was ... and how artfully they had the table set up ... but I did not want any of it.  I WANTED THE BACON!

You know the last Convention that I went to one of the lunches that they sat in front of me was a fish concoction ... eyeballs and all ... I was ANGRY ... I did not have time to go find another meal ... I spent the rest of the day hungry and angry... This year it was no big deal ... Hubby and I said okay we can IF til dinner. And you know it wasn't a big deal.

You know what else was different?  Hubby and I could sit next to each other in the shuttle from the hotel to the convention center and neither one of us were uncomfortable ... and there wasn't one chair that I didn't fit comfortably.  And speaking of the convention center ... I did not need to sit once!  6 hours of continuous walking and standing and I never looked for a chair!

On the way home hubby said he was surprised at how comfortable I acted... I was engaged and outgoing.  And you know I was...  I was comfortable ... confident ... I did not stand behind hubby and let him do all of the talking... I was actually present!

This morning I stepped on the scale ... DOWN !!!  207.6

Now the most exciting news that I can share is 13 days ago my daughter committed to give up grains, starches and added sugar ... and this morning she announced she is down 13 pounds!!! 

Life is good! And its just getting better!

Front row seat to my pity party of one!

I am still here ...

I feel like I have been stuck on a roller coaster for the last 2 1/2 weeks.  Up and down and up and down again ... and I'm not the one that had the heart attack.

January 26, 2015 my husband and I were at the office when he said "Honey something isn't right ... I think I need to go to the hospital".  That was at 9:50am ...

Before I go any further ... He's fine now!  They put a stent in and sent him home with in 24 hours!  He is going to be back to his normal self in just a few months.  Today's Echo-Cardiogram (SP?) showed absolutely no damage and he is cleared to resume his normal activity!  Praise the Lord!  He does have to allow for the stent to fully heal.

Now a little bit of back tracking ... Every time that my husband went in to his Dr ... his Dr. would harass my husband that he needs to have the Gastric-Bypass Surgery.  It got to the point that hubby asked him if he gets a kickback for referrals.  So back in November when my husband pulled a groin muscle, hubby was actually looking forward to having his weight taken.  According to his records he went from 355lbs down to 245lbs. 

The doctor was thrilled with the results ... asked him when he had the Gastric-Bypass Surgery and was looking it up in his chart ... well I opened my mouth and said oh no we are "Low-Carb"  The Dr. spun around and started waving his finger at me when I added "High Fat".  I was kind of expecting that reaction based on the blogs I have read ... and I was kinda happy when he ordered blood work done for cholesterol.  And I just kinda shrugged off the lecture about how an optimal diet would be a low-fat plant based diet. 

We got the results ... and it was about what we were expecting:

 

All within normal range, or at least acceptable ... the Dr.'s only response on every test was sugar is a bit high and need to be rechecked in 3-5 months ... it was  110 which was a 1 point drop.  

So back to January 26th ... the Kaiser Clinic is about 2 miles from our office ... so I drove hubby straight there ... They were awesome ... they got us straight in with the Dr. in just moments, the ambulance was called as soon as they saw how he was sweating ... But as they were hooking up the EKG wires ... the Dr. looks at me and says are you still doing HIGH FAT? 

OMG 

Fast Forward ... the Cardiologist comes out to talk to me ... he is telling me how everything went really well ... that there was a total blockage on the right something artery .. then proceeds to tell me that everyone over a certain age has plaque and narrowing arteries and that it was probably a combination of that and his smoking ... and then he proceeds to tell me that he could stand to loose a little bit of weight ... and I smiled and said he had just lost 100 pounds ... and he was impressed and then said well then maybe he should start exercising ... and I told him he does weight resistant training 3-4 times a week.And then he asked is he on a plant based diet?  And of course I said "No we are Low-Carb and Moderate Protein and Fat" (see I thought I learned my lesson).   His words ... "The American Heart Association says the guidelines are a plant based diet. So that is what I'm telling you, you don't want him back here right?"

OMG Did I do this to him?

Then my brother shows up at the hospital ... you know the brother that told me to read the book?  I am so relieved ... he knows what we are doing ... he has done the research ... he will understand ... but he says, Sis I don't know what you are doing but you have got to listen to the Dr. you are gonna kill him"  OMG ... while I'm standing there in total disbelief he goes on to tell me that I've morphed the information in the book in to an unhealthy version of a starvation diet"  I asked him how we have deviated from the advise?  and he says he did not know because he doesn't know what we are doing now but no way it could be healthy we are loosing weight too fast. I said hubby is averaging 2 pounds a week and I'm averaging 1 pound a week ... isn't that what EVERY diet and program says is healthy? My brother actually rolled his eyes and said okay sis ... do it your way ... but I'm telling you ... your husband could die!

Now I don't even want to  talk about the phone calls from my mother ... yep my brother called her and explained apparently in detail how I'm gonna kill my husband ... so she calls to get the name of the book... and lets me know she will be reading the book so she can help me get back on track!  Bless her heart!  Really bless her heart!  it is in the right spot ... But I've shared with her over and over how we are eating ... its simple!!!  It's healthy ... It's real ... she would benefit so much from it ... considering she is DIABETIC and a sugar addict! 

In the meantime we have had 5 doctor's appointments and 2 nutrition classes.   I scheduled a physical with my doctor ... and during the appointment I talked to her about our diet ... and she said "the American Heart Association recommends a Plant Based Diet ... that is what we have to recommend.  Then she pulled up my chart and showed me my weight graft ... in the last 5 years I have gone from 294 lbs to 212 pounds ... and she again said  ... "the American Heart Association recommends a plant based diet!"  And then she said "You've done a great job so far, keep up the great work!"   Now I took it as ... I have to say this ... but I mean this???? And when I shared that ... I was told that I just had wishful thinking.   Oh on a side note ... she did find that I have 2 spots that she believed needed further investigating by dermatology. 

Hubby is really on the fence about our way of eating ... and I can't blame him ... he did just have a heart attack.  During the healthy heart class they really strongly suggested starting everyday with oatmeal and she stressed how important whole grains are for a healthy heart ... and she droned on for ever on how to read a label.   She pointedly asked each person/couple if they were ready to start a plant based diet and did we have any questions about how to read a food label ... I swelled with pride when my hubby looked at her and said "we don't eat food that comes with a label".  The stupid lady started to tell us the dangers of eating fast food and restaurant food.  

So the new comprised way of eating is ... more chicken instead of beef ... and I agreed to try to stomach fish at least once every two weeks.  And I will go lighter on the oil while cooking ... and he promises to stop eating bacon like its candy in-between meals and I promise I will never put butter in his coffee.  And we both agree that there is no way we will become vegetarians! 

When I started this blog I promised myself to keep it positive ... I honestly believe that if you wake up and tell yourself you are going to have a great day ... your chances of having a great day are a lot better than if you wake up saying oh I hope I don't have a shitty day ... and I wanted this blog to be a positive reinforcement.  So this is it ... this was my pity party! 

Oh and by the way ...  I weighed in this morning ... it is Friday after all ... at 212.6 not sure if that is up or down ... I will have to go scan Gwen's blog to see what my official weigh in was.  Either way I'm okay and Hubby is okay!

PS...

OMG 

Here's the hospital's version of a healthy dinner:

I should have taken a picture of the entire tray ... I did not picture the chocolate cake or the cup of applesauce.  This is how we got fat in the first place! 

 

What the hell?

How do you loose 100 pounds ... have great cholesterol levels ... and then have a heart attack? 

What the hell!

Not what I expected.  

Hubby is going to be fine ... but I guess we are going to have to do some re-evaluating of everything we have been doing. 

Never too Old

I had the best day! 

My Daughter  wanted to have her garage insulated and sheet rocked,  so she can install some cabinets that we found being pulled out of a commercial unit that was being remodeled ... Score!!!  We got them for nothing!  Our hubbys said they would deal with it when football season was over with ... well  we decided that we didn't need to wait for super bowl before it got done.   How hard could it be?   We watch the DIY Network. 

If I wanted a home improvement project done ... like say shelves added to a closet???? I would spend 18 months badgering my husband into agreeing to do it for me.  Seriously it took him 2 hours to do it from start to finish ... but took me 18 months whining!  I seriously think that must be part of the "honey-do" process!
The plan was to get one wall completed before the guys got home... so we sent the grandson's to the "Other" Granny and started our day with a green coffee smoothie and a couple of pieces of bacon. 

Any way the insulation was pretty easy to put up. Well fairly easy ... just make sure you are covered up pretty good ... and a quick note ... read the package that the insulation comes in ... didn't know until we were on the last piece that some of the insulation is per-perferated if you have to cut them down ... that would have saved time!

Lunch was a couple of oranges that the "other" granny sent home.  Planned on tuna salads but never got around to it ...

So we got the first sheet up ... not as easy as I thought it would be ... you should have seen me cutting around the plugs ... what a joke!!!!  Honey has a new item on his to do list ... Patch miss-cut!

 ... well my dad who turned 93 last July  ... hung sheet rock for a living ... in the 50's when he first came to California.   He has some of the best stories!  Some funny ... some scary ... some you just won't believe ... anyway who better to call to ask how many screws really need to be put in ... and how do you cut around the pipe that sticks out of the wall. 



Dad bless his heart got in his truck and rushed over ... (left my mom on the porch locking the front door - he forgot to wait for her)

Dad to the rescue!!!!  He showed us how to measure and pre-cut the sheet rock before you put in on the wall!  LOL ... He explained why you stagger your seams and where to place the screws.  We got that wall done!  We even got to hear some more stories of when he worked some of the high rises being built in San Fransisco and Oakland. 

3 Generations!

It was a good day!  And thanks to my fellow blogger  Alati at The Daily Journey to a Better Me I remembered to get pictures of me and Dad! 

You know before I changed my way of eating ... there was no way I would have been able to even participate in this project ... I would have been taking the pictures ...and sitting on the side lines. Now I get to be a part of the pictures ... What a sense of accomplishment!

Not every victory is on the scale!  Sometimes its in the ability to actually get up and do something that you never thought you could do!

It really was a good day!

 

 Oh ... and this morning when I weighed ...212.8 lbs! 

A life with out pictures and my New Year's Resolution

I have spent a lifetime avoiding being in the picture ... Anytime the camera's come out I'd go into hiding.  There are very few pictures of me at Christmas, there are hardly any pictures of me at any of the family functions ... none with my daughters.  Really I was part of their lives ... honest I was there!

In addition to not showing up in the family photos, I avoided being out and seen.  You know I have never been to any of the Class Reunions.  This year will be our 30th.  Yikes. 

I stay home ... I always decline when invited to the movies,  concerts or sporting events. 

Professionally I have held myself back because I would not go to seminars, events, conventions.  And when I could not get out of an event I sat in the back and hid.  God don't ask me to mingle!

I hated flying!!!  Not because of flying but fitting in the seat.  Biggest fear is being mid-travel and being told I need to buy another seat.  I missed out on a lot of family reunions and family events ... would always make up an excuse and would send my daughters and hubby ...  you know I just couldn't get out of work for that long someone has to hold down the fort! HA ... LIES!  I missed more than I can ever tell you ... people who are no longer here ... that I will never get the chance to visit with or love.

I married the most gregarious, friendliest man on earth ... he can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere ... the grocery store, the hardware store, doctor's office ... in line for the potty ...anywhere! Stand still for a moment and he will talk to you and tell you a joke.  And it killed me ... I hated for him to draw attention to us.  I would hide behind him and act like I wasn't with him, then when we would get home I would mourn that I didn't take the opportunity to join in. 

I have not made a real new friend in 25 years.  You can't make friends if you are hiding... they aren't going to come knock on your door and say "I wanna come in and get to know you" well a salesman would but ... I don't have enough money to buy a friend that way.

My weight has interfered in almost every aspect of my life.  The worse part it has affected everyone around me too!

So my New Years Resolution this year is to get front and Center in Every Picture no matter what my hair looks like or what I'm wearing!And to start being a part of my family's memories and to stop hiding in the background.

Hi My Name is Retha ... what's yours?

Its Progress

Today marks the end of one year.

January 10, 2014 - 278.8 lbs

January 9, 2014 - 213.8 lbs

No Grains ... No added Sugar

I'm not done!  

Black Eyed Peas & My feelings are almost hurt

First ... Happy New Years!

We all have family traditions, we may not know why we do them every year ... but we know something drastic will change forever if we give them up.  My family has always celebrated the New Year by eating Black Eyed Peas & Corn Bread.  My husband hated them!  For years and years, he would snarl up his nose and walk away ... but hey I have eaten black eyed peas every year since I could eat solid food. Its for good luck.  Imagine what would happen if I skipped a year! 

About 20 years ago, I got imaginative and made them into a soup ... BAM ... Success!  Hubby loved it!... Neighbors loved it! My girls loved it!  Took me hours of chopping, simmering and tasting... but I created a recipe that was a favorite.  For the next 7-8 years that we lived in that house ... our neighbors  would show up with their empty Tupperware bowls for MY SOUP!  My mother stopped making her peas because dad wanted mine ... even my brother would drive over the hill to come for my Black Eyed Pea soup.

Now I can't tell you in words how proud I have been all these years that my friends and family really and truly loved my soup.  I feed people!  That is what I have always done ... a true food pusher! When we had parties ... I made enough food for 3-4 gatherings ... NO ONE LEFT HUNGRY!

This year things are a bit different ...  I have changed my way of eating ... I eat clean real foods ... I don't use processed box foods or added sugar.   I'm mindful of everything I eat.  I made the decision that I would make my Black Eyed Peas one last time! But I would be mindful of the forbidden ingredients(Sugar) and leave them out.

Well I thought they turned out really good! Hubby loved them ... Daughter said they actually were better than ever.  However ...

I had my oldest daughter drop off the bowl for my parents on her way home ... and this morning I called to see if they wanted more ... hmm ... dad said ... "hun, don't let cissy make it next year ... she doesn't do it like you do, we told your brother not to bother coming"

So I'm sitting here wondering how I feel ... are my feelings hurt or is this just part of the new me?